Where did all my spoons go??

"But you don't look sick"...I get this quite frequently. I get ready and put makeup on like everyone else. Do I have to actually look sick to be sick? I want to paint a picture for you or help you understand more about Lupus. I could list a bunch of symptoms for you or bust out my auto immune system mumbo jumbo.
Let's try this instead...I woke up last Monday with intense pain in my right hand. Then it spread to my arm, shoulder and elbow. At the same time I felt it in my hips, knees and feet. I promise you this post isn't to complain lol. I thought I was getting the flu. My doctor said no infection or flu. So we summed it up to being lupus. I had been in remission since I was pregnant and it was awesome. It took me two full days to get a hold of my specialist. So I have been using Advil to deal with it. At the end of the day I feel like my body is on fire. With little sleep...life with me has not been a walk in the park. Someone once said "Just because I'm in pain doesn't mean I have to be one". I want to say it was Maya Angelou on an Oprah episode. I try so hard to remember this. I am not a perfect person nor will I ever claim to be. I know I can't possibly be the easiest person to be around when I'm not feeling well. I have so much love to those who must deal with me. This is something that I continuously work on. What can I say..I'm a work in progress.  I'm pretty sure you get that this is painful now. Still that isn't the picture I wanted to paint exactly ha-ha. I will finish rambling now and leave this link in hopes you will click it and read it. This story is written perfectly..I will leave you now with The Spoon Theory and a photo of my babes...

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

This picture gets me every time! More posts and pics to come

Did you Love?

Have you ever heard a song that stopped you in your tracks...one that reaches out and grabs you? This song did that to me. While I was submitting another post, I was called to listen to this. At that moment I knew that I didn't want to forget this feeling. I had to get it out. There are so many words running through my head. There is so much I have to say on this topic. This time I will keep it brief. Right side? Left side? Try not to stereotype me. I am not one to debate religion or politics. This post isn't for those of you looking for a bone to pick. First and foremost...I believe in LOVE. I will do everything in my power for my kids to know without a doubt my love is unconditional.  It is as plain as that...I AM A MOM. I may be disappointed at some point and we will argue about many things. My love will always remain. I will do everything in my power for them to see me spread that love. In a world full of hate...that's what it comes down to...Did you love?

My mantra to my kids will be:

In my eyes..you will always be the same person who captured my heart with your very first breath..

Auld Lang Syne

2012 was an amazing year for me! After the craziness that filled 2011, I wasn't sure if a full amazing year was even possible..I am not sad to see it go. I am optimistic that 2013 will be amazing as well.

Snapshot of my year...

This year we celebrated the New Year with my family at home. Everyone is getting over being sick with the same crud going around. While I was a little sad to miss out on the usual New Years party fun...it was wonderful. Of all the crazy fun New Years of the past, this one has been my favorite by far. There will be many years in the future to dance and party. This one is wonderful in itself and belongs to my minis.

Daddy and mini on NYE

Last year I didn't make any new year resolutions. It felt a little like something was missing goal wise. I wanted to do so much but didn't set enough goals for myself. This year I may be in a little over my head but I'm very ambitious.
I started the whole 30 challenge today. With little sleep I have found myself eating less and less healthy. I want to be able to get the most out of what I intake. I need to be healthier..after all my own health is my responsibility.
I read about the one little word project online. It seems so simple to reflect and meditate on a simple word each day. I have decided my word for this year will be accomplish. The definition is to bring to its goal or conclusion; carry out; perform; finish: to accomplish one's mission. I will carry this word with me as I go through this year.

You can find more info on the whole 30 challenge here:
http://whole9life.com/2012/12/january-2013-whole30/

You can find more info on one little word here:
http://momandwife.com/2013/01/one-little-word/

Favorite Time of the Year

I adore the feeling I get in the pit of my tummy during the holidays. I look forward to lots of family time. Add my new baby girl and it is even more perfect!!
Favorite things during this season in no particular order...
Chilly days
Searching for the perfect gift
Singing Christmas Carols
Looking at Christmas lights
Being in the middle of the Christmas Shopping rush
The stranger who waited in the cold to open the door
The cashier who seemed genuine in wishing me a Merry Christmas
Opening Christmas cards from loved ones
The Facebook photos of friends enjoying the Holiday
Unexpected visits from traveling family members
The look of complete gratitude and excitement on Gabes face
The Christmas morning "I love yous" and "Thank yous"
Watching the snow fall (wait did I mention we had a white Christmas...in TEXAS!!)
The looks of chaos after presents are unwrapped
Remembering it all started with a baby

Nothing like holiday movies to get into the spirit! I'm not gonna lie watching a little crazy in other families is quite soothing. We watched Home Alone. The Family Stone and Love Actually We made chocolate chip muffins which turned out delicious! We held onto each other and loved one another like there's no tomorrow. We had a blast visiting with family and celebrating Jillian's first Christmas.
I hope you and yours had an amazing holiday. As for me it was blissful :)   I can't wait to start printing all the memories I was able to capture. Most of them will forever remain in memory. All of these memories remind me how truly blessed I am.

 Aunt Jan and baby Jillian

How wonderful it is that great granny has the strength to hold sweet baby girl. 

This is one of the only photos I was in this Christmas..sigh..next holiday I will remember 

 Poor Gabe opened his presents and then went straight to sleep...It turns out he had the flu

Wishing ya'll the very best this holiday!

Let's Talk About Liquid Gold

When I became a mom for the first time, breastfeeding was no easy feat. For those of you who have yet to breastfeed but are considering it...I will give it to you straight. Keep in mind everyone is different and this is my own personal experience. No one advised me how hard it could be for a baby to latch on..that your boobs would inflate to the size of your head...nipples crack and bleed. I'm sure I would have reconsidered, if I had heard. Basically I didn't know what I was getting into. People were quick to tell me it was normal...thanks for the warning!! Gabe had a hard time latching on when I got home from the hospital. I felt completely useless...I felt like a horrible mom for not being able to breastfeed successfully. After a lot of encouragement we tried again and we did it! A secret...for those of you who did not breastfeed I am a little jealous. Whatever you choose, I'm sure it is what was best for your family.

I prepared myself this time around. I researched and read as much as I could before the big day. When Jillian came she did latch on right away. My girl was hungry! I chose skin to skin contact time after delivery. Some mothers are not able to experience this due to the trauma of labor and I was extremely grateful. I packed my boppy to the hospital and left it in the car. My arms were exhausted and it would have been amazing to have something to rest them on while I nursed. I LOVE my boppy. (Shout out for the great baby shower gift Jenni and Ashley!) If you do not have one and plan on breastfeeding...go get one now! 

For the first few days baby had colostrum. Her pediatrician asked if my milk had come in and I said I didn't think so. He laughed and said "Oh you would know". The next day my boobs blew up  and ached with every touch. Add a hungry baby in the mix and my hormones were everywhere. I pumped to help empty them out. Some people say not to but it helped me. Yes, it was very painful that first time to pump. Lansinoh Soothie Gel pads felt amazing during this time. I would at least get one package because the pain is really only a few days. Don't get scared though..It can be done!

I used the lansinoh breast pads and they do the job! They have sticky tabs on the backside to stay in place in your bra. I don't know how many times I had to change my shirt due to leaking those first few weeks. I read somewhere that a nursing sleep bra would come in handy. Boy were they right! In fact that's all I wear still unless I am going out of the house. I need the girls to stay in place. Those first few weeks this type of bra helped to be comfy when your chest is in pain and it was overall very convenient. I suggest setting up an area where you breastfeed. Make sure you have a nightlight...snacks...water..a burp cloth. You should see my night stand...it is a mess of stuff I use. 

Pumping has become just another part of my day. I have the Medela Harmony manual pump. I never used an electric pump and to be honest I was scared it would hurt. I wanted to be in charge of the flow as much as possible. When I breastfed Gabe, I used the Avent manual pump and it would always fall apart. I absolutely adore my breast pump. It's comfortable...easy to use...easy to clean...and has not broken! The breast pump also fits on my Dr. Brown bottles. How convenient is that?? 

I am going back to work in January and have started storing what I pump. I was doing pretty well until last week. I was only able to pump maybe an ounce a day! I also started noticing what I think to be a lower supply in the evenings. I looked up ways to increase my supply and talked to my lactation consultant friend. I need to be able to pump a lot more when I go back to work. Trying Ovaltine and dark beer were a few suggestions. I heard about milk maker cookies on a blog. The reviews were 100% positive. I figured it was worth a try. I have only been eating them a few days. They are surprisingly tasty! Already my boobs look and feel more full. I have also been able to pump twice as much as I had been. These cookies are well worth it :-)

Yes breastfeeding is not always easy. I wouldn't have done it any other way. Knowing I am able to sustain my precious baby and see her belly round out feels like an amazing accomplishment. The bond we have shared is irreplaceable.  

Thanks for stopping by! I hope this post was helpful 

A Journey of Love

They say every pregnancy/birth is different. I know now firsthand how very true this is. I had a fairly easy first pregnancy. I was nauseous up to my 7th month, nothing helped! However, I was not scared at all. I gained a scary amount of weight but it didn't bother me at the time. My mucous plug fell a week before Gabriel's arrival while I happen to be at Babies R US. Exactly a week later my water broke! That is when it got a little scary. In fact there is a photo somewhere taken within minutes of my water breaking and I look petrified.
When I was given the epidural I jumped a little...making the doc pissed off at me. Hey that thing hurt more than people let on! After 15 hours I was ready to push. I remember this clearly because my epidural wore off by 9 cm and I was feeling everything! What was the pain like? Well someone asked me a few hours later and I answered with..it felt like someone stabbing you from the inside or being hit by a train. After two very long hours of pushing, I became a mama.
That's when everything became a little blurry. I remember nurses rushing around and someone telling Henry, if I passed out I may not come to. I had a fever and things weren't looking so good. After a week long stint in the hospital we made it!
My dreams were coming true! After I had Gabe, I decided that I wanted more than anything to stay home with my kids one day. I also wanted to be able to grow old and have a house full of grandchildren. Holidays would be completely blissful with all the chaos and noise! I never thought for a moment this wouldn't come true.
8 years later I was diagnosed with SLE, a form of Lupus. My doctor told me if I wanted to have more kids, I should get on it. However I had to be in remission for the best outcome. The odds of me carrying to term or having a successful pregnancy were not good at this point. I tried coming to terms with possibly not having more kids. I had not been in remission since I was diagnosed.
In March of 2012, I took a pregnancy test. I was only a few days late but I hadn't been feeling good. Did I mention I was pretty paranoid and took tests like every other month? This test came out different than the rest. Not sure of what it meant, I reread the box...it was POSITIVE! I was shocked/excited/scared all at the same time. When I went to the doctor, she assured me I was in fact in remission. We were both healthy and progressing well.

I knew it would be difficult telling Gabe. I tried putting it off till I started showing. He had been my only for 10 years after all. I tried hinting here and there. He was not having it. I made the mistake of telling him in the car while I was driving. Let's just say he tried removing himself from the moving vehicle. He may be a little dramatic (probably got that from his dad ;)) but he means the world to me. He did not like discussing the baby throughout the pregnancy and I was a little worried for when she was actually here.
My pregnancy was a little different this time. I had a few injections and infusions but baby girl was healthy throughout. Every day I was scared. Every day I prayed. This little unexpected miracle had to be healthy. I was so scared that something would happen. My doctor tried preparing me for possible outcomes after birth.

On October 17 our world was changed forever. We welcomed our beautiful baby girl. As you may have read in my first post, my labor and delivery was nothing like my first. We were both healthy and were released the very next day. Brother could not be more happy! In fact he offered to help as much as he can. I can't tell you how full my heart is. I have been blessed more than I can ever imagine. This is a dream come true :-)

One Month Treasures

A month has already passed…I still can’t believe it. At 8 lbs 4 oz my baby girl has been growing! She is starting to look more like a baby and less like every other newborn. I’m gonna have to say she looks most like me. I’m not that biased…I know Gabe looks just like his Father. Jillian definitely has some of my expressions down already. That’s my girl! 

She listens contently while I sing to her. She loves my singing (better than the Glee versions, still not biased). She loves falling asleep on my chest, which I adore. I could have a laundry list of things to do but am willing to stop to let my princess fall asleep on my chest. Jillian enjoys baths and the California baby calming lotion is most magical. She will just stare and be absolutely still after she is given her bath. I love the stuff! Jillian hates to be cold and it works to calm her down. The lotion is a life-saver.

In her first month we have learned that she doesn’t like to be in a dirty diaper in the slightest. She will be counting sheep one minute then out of the blue let out a piercing cry! She refuses to wake up most of the time. She just wants us to know she is dirty and we need to do something about it. She loathes being cold which makes changing her clothes a lot of fun ;-) Lotion can be cold most of the time so again moisturizing her is oh so fun. Oh but let me tell you…worth it when I can’t stop smelling her!
   

1. Gerber Newborn Mittens. These were the only mittens that fit these first couple of weeks. We tried several different ones. These did not fall off. 

2. Baby Aquaphor. Jillian's infant skin started peeling after a week. I was advised not to peel it. I purchased this for her skin and for umbilical cord care. This works for many things just as it does for adults. 

3. The Ladybug Sponge Bath. This came in handy for her first bath and the first couple of weeks also. This is soft and small enough to store. Worth it for the price!

4. My Little SnugaMonkey  Rock 'n Play. This has been worth every penny! Jillian did not like her bassinet. She plays in this during activity time and sleeps in it. I also love that it is portable! 

5. Pampers Sensitive Wipes. I'll be honest...I was not a fan of these with Gabe. I tried them when he was a little older though so his poop was thicker at the time. I went through them fast because he needed a thicker wipe. So I don't recommend this for older babies. Jillian however has semi-sensitive skin. The thicker wipes were colder and stayed wet. I didn't want them to be dry but her bottom felt like it was drenched after a wipe. After about a week we changed to sensitive wipes and don't plan on changing back anytime soon. 

6. SwaddleMe Muslin Blankets. These are super soft, large and stretchy. I love swaddling Jillian with them..and they come in very cute designs! 

7.  California Baby Calming Lotion. This was a gift given to us. I heard many good things about the California Baby line. As you know from my post...it's pretty much a bath time necessity in our house. 

8. Homedics Sound Spa. This sound spa helps relax even me! It has a rain, waterfall, summer night, heartbeat, ocean, and rainforest option. Jillian seems to enjoy the ocean and heartbeat best. It has a 15, 30 and 60 min timer. We usually turn it on and completely forget about it. Oops!  One day I will remember to use the timer. 

9. Chicco Cortina Keyfit 30. There were several car seats we looked at. This one felt more durable and comfortable to us. I knew I didn't want a pink car seat and this color was perfect. So far this seat does the job!

I will soon be posting about my pregnancy and hospital must haves! Come back soon :-)